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翻滚吧!大西瓜

2014-01-02 08:24:40 疯狂英语·中学版 2013年12期

by Mark Patrick

A watermelon rolls by in front of me while I sit on a bench in Jonkers Park next to my wife.

“Beatrice…Beatrice, did you see that?”

Crows[乌鸦] respond to my question without hearing it.

“Didnt see anything, but the squirrels Im feeding,” she says.

Eyesight was never her strength. Five days ago, we ate a crunchy[发嘎吱嘎吱声的] hot dish for dinner by the television as we do on Tuesday afternoons before bed, and I glanced over at Beatrice to see her lips sealed around a spoon with the handle sticking out as if she bit the end off, but before I could laugh, I got distracted[分心] by a purplestriped paper airplane flying by on the other side ofthe window pulling a banner that advertised the slogan[标语]—reduce, reuse, recycle—which I found odd since paper airplanes are never thrown twice. Glasses rested on her nose more as a sign of her age than for function, since she turned the television down to swear three times that no shadow passed by the window.

“Hmm, Ill let you know the next time it rolls by.”

I wonder if she can see herself roll her eyes.

Joggers[慢跑者] run by when they should be jogging. Killing ants while my wife fattens the squirrels. Laziness is the only game I play.

More striped watermelons tumble[翻滚] chasing after one another.

“Never again are we sitting on a bench near a hill,” I tell her. Oranges are harmless, but watermelons can knock me over.

“Please tell me you took your medication[药物治疗] this morning?”

Questioning me for no reason is her second favorite hobby, after feeding pests.“Remember the last time you asked me that?”

She leans close to me and focuses on my narrow eyes.“Tuesday, last week.”

Unsure, I nod my head, gazing over her shoulder at a couple of large animals drinking from the pond.

“Visions again? Why do you bother putting on your glasses when you purposely dont take your medicine?”she says.

“You know, you need to get your eyes checked. Zebras注 arent very interesting if you cant see them.”

我和妻子并肩坐在琼克公园的长椅上,一个西瓜从我面前滚了过去。

“比阿特丽斯……比阿特丽斯,你看见了吗?”

乌鸦没听见我的问题,却嘎嘎地应声。

“除了我在喂的这些松鼠,我什么都没看见,”她说。

视力一直不是她的强项。五天前,大家一边看电视一边享用着热腾腾、嘎嘣脆的晚餐——每个星期二下午,大家在睡觉之前都会进行这样的例行公事。我瞥了比阿特丽斯一眼,看见她的双唇紧紧嵌着勺子,勺子把儿露在外头,简直就像她一口把勺子给咬掉似的。不过就在我准备笑话她的时候,我的注意力被另一边窗外飞过的纸飞机给转移了——那架紫色条纹的纸飞机还拉着一条横幅,上面写着一句标语:减少浪费,重复再用,回收环保。我觉得这句话怪怪的,因为纸飞机总不能丢两次吧(不符合环保)。架在比阿特丽斯鼻子上的眼镜与其说是功能性的,不如说是年纪的象征好了,因为她还把电视(音量)关小了,发誓说窗外连个影儿都没有,还连说了三遍呢。

“唔,下次它再滚过去的时候,我会告诉你的。”

我不知道她有没有发现,她翻了个白眼。

慢跑的人在本该慢跑的时候快步跑了过去,一边还踩死几只蚂蚁——而我的妻子就起劲地给松鼠养膘。发懒是我唯一能做的事了。

又有几个条纹西瓜滚了过去,一个接着一个。

“大家以后再也不要在山边的长椅上休息了,”我对她说。橘子没啥问题,但西瓜还真会将我撞倒的。

“请你务必告诉我,你今天早上吃药没?”

毫无道理地质疑我是她的第二嗜好,仅次于喂养那些害人精。“你还记得你上一次是什么时候问我这个问题的吗?”

她凑到我面前,紧盯着我的细缝眼。“上星期二。”

我不太确定地点了点头,越过她的肩膀,我看见两只大家伙在水塘边喝水。“又幻视了?既然你故意不吃药,干嘛还要费劲儿戴眼镜呢?”她说道。“你知道,你应该去检查检查视力了。如果看不见它们,斑马也不怎么有趣嘛。”

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